Our IVF Journey continues...

                 I thought I would update the blog with our recent embryo transfer.

We started to prepare for our second embryo transfer the beginning of January. I was hopeful for our next embryo transfer. We started shots, patches, and progesterone. Everything seemed to be according to plan. However, after one of my ultrasounds they found that my uterus lining was not getting as thick as they would have liked to see. I returned in a little less than a week for another ultrasound. I was told that my lining was probably the thickest it would get. We had the option to continue with the transfer or start all over again preparing my lining to thicken. I was told "this is just your body", the doctor referring to my uterine lining. That was hard for me to hear especially since its my body that is holding us back from having babies. My lining in the past had been thick both times with both Brielle and the baby we lost. So knowing that I had some concern. We drove down to Seattle for our transfer on February 5th. We met with the embryologist who told us that an embryo was lost in the thawing process. This was very disappointing news to hear that we had only one embryo left after this transfer. We went ahead with the transfer and everything went smoothly. We went on with our usual life after I rested all weekend. That following week we would have family in from Texas. I tried to keep myself distracted as much as possible. I ended up taking a pregnancy test at home a few days before our blood test which was a faint possible. I tried not to get my hopes up but I'll admit I was a bit excited. A few days later my blood test came back positive but just a little lower than where they liked to see it. It made us feel a little doubtful and I tried not to think about it. I had another test scheduled three days later to make sure my levels were increasing. I waited what felt like all day for my test results. I had a pit in my stomach all day and just had a bad feeling about it all. The moment my nurse called and I picked up the phone I just knew something was wrong. I was told this was a biochemical pregnancy and I should be expecting a period soon. Again, I was crushed. I felt my heart shatter again in a million pieces and I couldn't keep it together. I felt the need to share my story and though my husband was hesitant, I knew we needed the prayers and support. It's been difficult dreaming of our large family and then never watching that come true. I've always wanted to be a mom more than anything in this world and feel like I have so much love to give. I know we'll get there eventually and it will all be worth it.

Today, we're starting shots for our last embryo transfer taking place next month. As hard as it is I've been trying to stay hopeful. Its out of my hands and in Gods. Thank you for following along and all the support.

10 things Infertility has taught me

Another post already! We also just got a new desktop computer instead of our laptop which we're had forever. So I'm sure I'll be on here posting more. :)

                                            10 things infertility has taught me

10.) Patience
I never in my wildest dreams think it would take us over 2 years to become pregnant. As much as we wanted a baby we had to wait on God's time. I trusted God even has hard as it was to wait. And now I must have patience again as we wait for our next embryo transfer. I'm still working on my patience and admit it is hard. I have to remind myself all the time that it is out of my control.

9.) Never take anything for granted 
The women who can get pregnant within getting off birth control in a month or two- consider yourself blessed. I never realized how many people were struggling to conceive until I was going through it myself. 

8.) Gratefulness
Once we went through IVF, I couldn't be more grateful to the people who got us to where we are now. I wasn't ever sure if we would get to where we are now but we have. It has been a long road but my heart is grateful beyond words. Thank you just never seems like enough to the people who helped you become parents. And for me becoming a mother has been a dream! 

7.) Some things are worth the wait
It may have taken us awhile to get our little girl but she is more perfect than I could of ever imagined. She makes me want to be a better mom. And I appreciate being a mom so much more because of the struggle. 

6.) Life is not easy
Everyone has struggles in their lives. Ours just happen to be infertility. God gave us this struggle to make us stronger. Not only as individuals but as a couple. My hubby has been my rock in this life and I couldn't of asked for a better man. He's picked me up so many times when I felt defeated. All you can do  sometimes is pick yourself up and give it to God. 

5.) You find out who your friends are
Its hard to relate to infertility unless you've really been through it. Some people just really don't understand. But you find the people that are there to lift you up when you are down. There are people who know you just need a hug or a coffee date. We've had wonderful support from family and friends. Sometimes you just need somebody there to support you and listen. 

4.) To be strong
There were many times I thought I would crumble under all the heartache and struggle.  There were many days when I put on a happy face when I was hurting inside. I saw the hurt on my hubby's face too and it killed me. I felt many times like I had let him down because I was the one with the issues. I realize now God gave us this journey for a reason. I prayed and prayed for a miracle. I wasn't going to let infertility define me.

3.) Never give up
I honestly felt defeated after hearing the news of our infertility and recent miscarriage. The words "You have about 5-10 % conceiving on your own" still echoes in my mind. And after I recent miscarriage all I could hear was "I'm sorry but I can't see anything." Its easy to throw in the towel and give up. Its good to let out your emotions but you cannot let them rule your life. I'm reminded so often by looking at my daughter what a beautiful blessing we have received. She's our miracle. I would never give up on my dream to become a parent. And we will continue on this journey to bring her a brother or sister. 

2.) Be kind to everyone
You never know what anyone is going through. A lot of people have mastered putting on a happy face. No one wants to be know as the weak person who always breaks down. We feel like if we can pretend like nothing is wrong others will believe it as well. People's feelings are very delicate. Just a simple smile or compliment can really change someone's day. Its the little things that can mean the most!

1.) Let Go and Let God
I had to learn to let go of my worries and give them to God. As much as you think you are in control of the situation, you're really not. I was not the one in charge of my future. I kept telling myself and still do that he really does have a plan. Everything may not go according to my plans, but I know there was a reason. He is there to answer my prayers and take care of my worries.  Cherish what you do have and let God take care of the rest. 

Happy New Year 2016

Well, time for another update! I hope your New Year is going fantastic :) Ours started with some sickness right after Christmas but everyone is feeling better now!


We enjoyed the holidays with my family and spent both Christmas Eve and Christmas with them. My husbands' family lives in Texas so we are hoping to spend our Christmas this year with them lord willing. Brielle was very spoiled this year and a little overwhelmed by all the gifts! I tried not to go overboard especially since her birthday is right around the corner. The holidays were a great distraction from our next embryo transfer. And it was a great reminder of how much we were already blessed.

I'm hoping we can proceed with our next embryo transfer in the following months.  I'm beyond ready for another baby and my hubby is feeling the same way! Brielle Ann would be the best big sister! So many of my friends and family have either just got pregnant or had a baby. My baby fever is in full force! In the mean time I'll be enjoying my family and the precious moments with my busy little girl. I'm trying to live in the moment more.  I've found its so easy to get caught up in the calendar looking ahead. It is great to have events to look forward to but not so much that you can't focus on the present. This year I plan on enjoying the little things and living life to the fullest. My daughter won't be little forever so I'm soaking up every minute.

Thanks for following along and may God bless your day! I'll be updating more, I promise :)

xo Debbie

Find joy in the Journey

Well, I thought I would post about what has recently been happening in our lives. It has taken me such a long time to even begin this post. I've gone back and forth deciding if I should share. I knew it would bring up so many emotions. After long thought and prayer I feel like its time to share. I'm wanting to share to let others out there know you are not alone and it's okay to be open if you choose to.

So here we go...
Around the beginning of this year we had begun thinking about having another baby. In April and May I began shots and I was driving to Seattle nearly every other week for imaging and blood work. June 1, 2015 we had an embryo transfer and everything went great. We were given a picture of our embryo and drove home to rest. I was so thrilled and anxious to see if my pregnancy test would be positive. They check your HCG level about a week after the transfer. I'm probably one of the most impatient people ever and took a home pregnancy test. It was positive!!! (I did the same thing with Brielle) I immediately sent Charles a picture of the test. As happy as we were we waited to confirm with the doctor's office. They called a few days later with a positive test result. Brielle was going to be a big sister and we were so overjoyed. The start of Summer was coming and we were headed off to Texas for the first week of July. They usually check an ultrasound in Seattle at about 7 weeks but we would be in Texas at this time. I decided to wait and be seen by my OB after we returned where I would be about 9 weeks. We flew to Texas and I took it easy for the most part. I remember while being there hearing of someone I knew having a miscarriage. The idea of losing my baby terrified me. I was feeling a little nervous but Charles and my mom were there to reassure me things would be fine.

After we came back from Texas we were ready for our appointment but still had a little less than a week to wait. I was feeling pregnant- weight gain and fatigue mostly. I'll never forget the day of our appointment. I remember waiting what felt like forever- doctors offices always almost run behind.. Finally when we got back to the room I felt extrememly nervous and we waited there for a little bit. Finally my OB who has known us from before we even had Brielle walked in. She went ahead and started the ultrasound. She said nothing for a few minutes and that's when my heart sank... She said she couldn't see anything but continued to look. After finding no heart beat so looked over at me and said " I'm so sorry.." I was at a loss for words and all I could say was " That is so depressing." Soon after I broke down in tears and my doctors wrapped her arms around me. She left the room to give me and Charles a few minutes together. I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that something was wrong. I had thought everything was going fine and I didn't have any bleeding. We sat in that room together and I bawled. Poor Brielle had to come with us and looked concerned to see me so upset. I just felt completely devastated. It almost felt like I was having a nightmare. I kept thinking this can't be right.. the equipment must be broken. We met back inher office and I would meet again with my IVF specialist in Seattle in about a week. The wait to go to Seattle would be the longest week of my life.

This was one of the darkest times of my life. I was crying myself to sleep each night because I felt during the day I needed to be strong for Brielle. Some days I didn't even want to get out of bed but that was not an option. I felt like a failure and didn't understand why we were having to go through this. My heart was broken and I felt so numb. People were  supportive for the most part but not many knew. People would say things like "Oh you can just try again." Do they not realize what trying again means.. I thought. It means more money that we don't have and we get to start the whole process over again. I also had a family member tell me "Well, at least you have Brielle." And yes, Brielle is my greatest blessing that was not what I needed to hear at the time. I was grieving a loss and all I wanted was to hear "I'm here for you." The best support you can give is just to be there to be "present" for someone. Be understanding. Functions with friends were hard. Charles and I had both taken this hard and weren't ready to socialize. You somehow have to be normal when you feel like at any moment you could lose it. It's not the place and time to tell someone what is going on. Besides at that time you just don't even want to go there.

After grieving what felt like for weeks we had another appointment in Seattle. I had a tiny glimmer of hope they would see a heartbeat since my HCG was at 145,000 which was really high. They proceeded with the ultrasound and for one split second the doctor thought he saw the heartbeat. After looking again he said there was no heartbeat and we probably lost the baby at about 6 weeks. He confirmed what we had really already know. But a part of me was hopeful that somehow our OB was wrong. We talked about my choices and I decided to wait things out. We couldn't think about trying again for awhile. I felt like all of my emotions were taxed out.

That next week I was bleeding and I knew it was coming. I thought after that month I was done but boy was I wrong! A few months later I found myself in the ER for nonstop bleeding. It was a scary experience and all I could think was God please don't let this lead to a hysterectomy. I had called Charles from work because I couldn't leave the toilet from all the bleeding. After being in the ER all night and losing so much blood I had a D and C. I was told a few weeks later that this is a rare occurence and I had just bad luck. What a year! By this time it was November and I was ready to try again. My IVF specialist decided it'd be best I let my body heal and I wait over a month before we start this process over.

Now as Christmas is coming I have so much to be grateful for. And although its been the roughest year yet I'm becoming a stronger individual. God is really teaching me patience. I'm trying to focus on Brielle as much as I can and enjoy the season. I'll be honest and say in the back of my mind I so desperately want another baby. God has a plan for our family and I just have to put my trust in him. We'll try again starting next year and pray that all works out. For now I am going to be the best mom I can be for Brielle and our family.

If you're reading this and you've suffered a miscarriage or are struggling with infertility you are not alone. I was suprised to find that 1 in 4 women have a miscarriages. That just blows my mind. And I know everyone grieves differently and some people prefer to keep things to themselves. I totally understand because this is of course a personal matter. Not everyone feels comfortable sharing their story but I thought I would share mine. I hope I can help others know that you are strong and you will get through this. Just sitting down to write this post has been healing for me. The best is yet to come! What really has been helping me in like the blog title says "find joy in the journey." We've had what feels like a painful year but in spite of it all I've had so many wonderful days with my family. And I'll continue to find joy into the new year.

Thanks for reading! May you and your family have a Merry Christmas.

Welcome: Where it all began

Welcome to my blog!
This is new for me so bare with me while I get started up. I'm starting up the blog to share our story.Thanks for following along with our family.

I'm a wife, mother, and follower of God.

Here's a little background on our family
My husband and I met over 9 years ago. I was a Senior in High School down in Texas. We dated for awhile before moving up to WA state with my family. That Summer Charles asked me to be his wife! We've now been married for wonderful almost 8 years. We were married so young but I wouldn't change a thing. We've grown together and learned so much from one another. Charles has always been my biggest supporter and my rock especially in the last few years.
After being married for a few years we decided to start thinking about starting a family of our own. I was beyond thrilled to become a mama and a little nervous at the same time. But who isn't a little nervous about bringing another life into this world. I knew I wanted to be a mom more than anything. My biggest fear was that this dream wouldn't come true.After a year of trying and no luck we decided to meet with a specialist. This wasn't too suprising for me due my family history of infertility with both my mom and sister. After lots of imaging they found what they thought were cysts on my ovaries. I had surgery to have them removed and finally we got some answers. I was diagnosed with Level 4 endometrosis and given a 5-10 % chance of conceiving on my own. Endometriosis is a painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus the endometrium grows outside your uterus. It was heartbreaking news but I knew this wouldn't stop us from trying.We travelled to see an IVF (invitro fertilization) specialist and went through the entire process in hopes of having the family we always dreamed of. I had my first round of of egg retrevial and embryo transfer in July 2014. August 2014, my specialist's office called me with the most amazing news.. We were pregnant! I will never forget that moment and feeling of overwhelming gratefulness to God. My husband and I were so overjoyed and thankful to God. I had an incredible pregnancy- side note women who suffer from endometriosis feel the best while pregnant. This is because your body is not constantly preparing itself for another cycle. Other than getting the news of placenta previa everything went beautifully. The placenta previa just ment I would deliver at 37 weeks via C-section. We would get to hold our daughter in our ours that much sooner.We welcomed Brielle Ann into the world March 19,2014 and my life has been forever changed. She is the absolute light of our lives and I thank God for her every day. I've never exerienced so much joy in my life. All of the strugle was worth the angel brought into our lives by God. Stay tuned for my next post on what's going on recently in our lives.